A Sorry Little Student

In college and law school, I was generally a "B" student. I was pretty darned happy with my Bs, since I had two small children and didn't have (or take) much time to study. Yet, then and now I have had this back-of-my-mind guilt; a feeling that if I had tried a little harder, I'd have had straight As.

Fast forward about fifteen years. I've moved to California, given up my job (in a state that I am already licensed to practice law), and am sitting for the California bar exam. Turns out, I'd give an elbow for some guaranteed Bs right now. I have exactly no (let me repeat, "no") memory of the basic legal concepts I learned so long ago (or, more accurately, the basics are so inherent in my head now that I cannot explain "why" I know, for example, that evidence will be excluded- I just know it will. And this exam is all essays. In which I have to remember to explain those basics or I fail. As exhibited by the number of practice tests I've failed). I'm taking a bar review course with recent graduates- and it's kicking my tail. Because I haven't seen much of the material in so many years, I feel like I am cramming for a final exam to cover three years of school in six weeks.

I've no more mental energy. Which is a shame, since my big exam is exactly a week away. I'm exhausted, I don't feel well, I'm not feeling strong even in areas I regularly practiced (such as the rules of evidence), and if I see a single other California distinction, I may actually scream.

Loudly.