Me

When my girls were much younger, I started a book for them. It was a "fill in the blanks" sort of book that I picked up somewhere, with questions like "what is your favorite song," "what toys did you like as a child" and such. I filled it all out and it is lovely- it contains silly facts about me that I would want my girls to know if I were no longer around for them to ask.

In fact, lately I've been thinking a lot about that sort of thing. I don't know what my grandmother's favorite color was. Or how my grandfather felt when he learned that WWII was over. I want my children to know silly facts about me, like knowing that one of my favorite, happiest random events is when I see a flock of black starlings. No matter when or where I see them, I go back in my mind to a fall day, walking in a Utah field at sunset, and I feel peace. I want my girls to know that one of my all time favorite songs is Ask by the Smiths, but over the past years the songs I related to most were Driftwood by Travis and Broken Girl by She Wants Revenge. I want my chickens to know that each and every day when I drive through the farms at Michigan State University to go to work I am grateful to live in a place that allows a "country drive" in the city.

I want them to know that I saw Rent in New York City several times before actually seeing the second half and I refused to let anyone tell me the ending until I saw it in person. That I love my natural hair color and am scared for the day it will gray and I have to decide whether to dye it or grow old gracefully. That when I am upset I get in my car and drive, music on, just like I remember my mother doing as a child. That I did not realize how lucky I am to have so many siblings until I grew up. That I was too afraid to stay at Aunt Grace's house as a child because she had a bear head hanging on the wall right above the bunk bed and I had to sleep on the top bunk. That my favorite color was always, and still is, red. That I used to have to pretend to be an actress (Ashley Judd, to be specific, back in the day) playing a lawyer when I went to court and sometimes still, if I am nervous, I play that game.

I am terribly, terribly sentimental, aren't I.

New Things

This is the year to try new things. Believe it or not, I've never gone to the auto show here in Detroit. To be fair, the idea of going downton on a Sunday, fighting crowds, wandering in the cold- all to see cars just really wasn't appealing. However, tonight I'll be heading down to the charity preview. I'll let inquiring minds know what I think of it!

Today

I miss my mom today.

I actually miss my mom a lot of days, but just now - while in my office - for some reason it hit me that by living so far away from home for the past thirteen years, I've missed a lot of important time with my mom. I've missed important time with my entire family, actually. I don't get to attend school concerts, birthday lunches, soccer games, births, baptisms, and the like unless I make a special trip. And I never, never thought I would say this (as in, never....), but I am sort of tired of traveling right now. It's exhausting. Maybe I'm just getting old...

What was life like, years ago, when families lived their entire lives near each other? Or worse, when families would travel west (for example) and have unreliable U.S. post as the only method of communication? We are so lucky to have telephone, e-mail, regular mail, skype...you name it, there is an instant method of communication so that we can stay in touch with loved ones far and near (Morgan and I often skype, and she lives about fifteen minutes from home).

Maybe I'll plan a trip home.

I'm Thirty-Eight

I am thirty-eight years old, yet at times I still feel seventeen. Not just sometimes- a LOT of the time. At least, when it comes to certain situations. Maybe we don't really change that much as adults.

Or, do you suppose that life has ways to make us grow and learn, which is what makes us feel older? Ugh, I do not know...

Life Moves Fast...

Life moves fast. If you don't stop and look around every once in a while, you may miss it. Or something like that (says Ferris Bueller).



I've had a very interesting, if somewhat confusing, weekend. In my last post, I noted that I was a "go from the gut" kind of girl, but that lately I've learned that using my head may be the way forward. Turns out, though, I don't do such a good job of relying on my intellect in making decisions. My intuition is far more important to my decision-making process.



So, for now, I'll keep being who I am: I'll go with my gut. Which means that I will continue to take Ferris Bueller's advice, and stop to look around at life every once in a while for fear I may miss it.

Life Decisions

Here I am, 38 years old, and I am still stymied by certain decisions. I have grown so used to "going from the gut" without a lot of rational thought, that I can't seem to reconcile rational thought vs. instinct. How to balance the two? Do I just return to my former trusting-of-the-gut, or do I rely on my head?

Stay tuned.