Faith

Life can be crystal clear at 2 a.m. Sometimes, in the early morning hours, far away from home, one remembers that the only way to control the future is to let go and to have a little faith.

The Big Three-Nine

I turned 39 years old today, and it is only fitting that I post to this blog, which I started two years ago when I feared turning 37. This birthday was so much easier than 37. I just don't do well with those 7's!

Today was a perfect day. I spent time with my chickens, saw some old friends (nevermind that they are on tv/movies and are not actually my friends...), enjoyed a very long liesurely bike ride, and did some shopping.

I am content.

The Rocking Chair

An empty rocking chair sits in my room. It is an antique- not at all my usual decor- but I have rocked in it for many years while visiting at my friend Lisa's house. When Lisa and her family recently moved, the rocking chair came to live with me. I think it likes it here. It hasn't complained.

Anxiety and Me

I'm anxious today. I don't like it, and would love tips from the rest of you on how to stop feeling it. Argh!

Fun Traditions

At the end of this month I will head to New Orleans to attend Jazzfest, a multi-stage music festival, for the third consecutive year. I can't wait. I look forward to the event not because I love music (which I do), and not because New Orleans is much warmer than home (which it is). Instead, I look forward to having full days listening to music and sitting in the sun with good friends. Friends are the key. I love the idea of an annual tradition that brings together folks from all over the country who don't have time to regularly schedule visits, and I'm glad that the folks who have been doing this for many more years than I said "the more the merrier!" a few years back and invited an interloper. I can't wait for the fun this year!

The Sea

There is a certain melancholy to the sea. Yet at the same time, a joy. This past week I did a fair bit of staring at the ocean, thinking about the way that the vast amount of saltwater seems from afar so soft, cozy, almost inviting. The waves seem soft and kind. But when I am immersed and can no longer touch bottom, instead of calm, I feel panic and worry that the sea could swallow me. I stay safely close to shore.

Metaphor for my life?

Cinderella and Her Happy Ending

When I was small, I read a hardcover Disney-version Cinderella book so many times the edges frayed. I loved the book not because of the "happily ever after" ending, but because I just l-o-v-e-d the dress that Cinderella wore to the ball! I can't remember, as a child, believing in romantic fairy tale endings, nor do I tend to believe in them now. Even when I see them as a grown up (Jamee and Andres!), I still don't believe.

What I do believe in these days is the concept of a relationship as a partnership. I believe in relationships where each partner takes turns giving, taking, and at the end of the day no one is happy 100 percent of the time (like Cinderella and her prince), but no one is unhappy 100 percent of the time. I admire those couples in my life who seem to be able to accomplish this type of partnership, and when I see it, I ask how it is done. This is what I aspire to. I don't need happily-ever-after; I want and need something much more simple: a partner.

Maybe that is the real happily-ever-after.